Caffeine and Fasting

After 3 cups of Dunkin Donuts turbo I began to have some revelations, 1: this stuff is as close to crack cocaine as I'll ever get 2: I feel awesome 3: somehow I'm thinking clearly but really fast (well faster than normal) 4: I feel the urge to sing loudly 5: I'v written about 3 maniacal poems in 10 minutes. I'll share them with you all at the end of this mad story. I tend to be a bit Alice in Wonderland and today thats excatly what I would like to talk with you about. Saturday morning I wake up, move from my bed to the couch and turn on a movie. This is progress for me at 8 a.m. guys so just go with it. It's a story about a freelance writer going on escapades with his best friend "the handsome rebel"  and "the beautiful runaway" (played by K-Stew so I couldn't take it too seriously but Garrett Hedlund's looks helped the slow parrts) Anyways, these adventures are so alluring to me and I found it odd that I rented this movie because as of lately all I could think about what selling everything I own, buying a mtorcycle and just driving. First issue is of course I don't know how to ride a motorcycle at all but I was going to figure it out. I can hardly write this without laughing because I'm probaby the clumsiest girl I know. Seriously one time I fell in a bar, I was completely sober and wearing wedges. Embarrassing.
Back to the story now, so I'm day dreaming about desert sunsets and reality hits me "where would I sleep?", "what do I do if its raining?", "what if a pack of coyotes chases me?" etc..... You can see my excitement quicky fading. Then it hit me, I have been so busy being unhappy and living in my head that real life never had a chance. No wonder I hide from it. How could it ever measure up to any of my fantasies? Truth is it can and more. For so long I've let my scarred past defeat a future I don't even know. I left no room for the unimaginable. I crushed my own dreams.
Well no more I say. It's time to move on. I'm building a foundation based in God's word and nothing can crush that because it is the ONLY truth. I've never had that before. The irony of it all is that I was a lost wanderer wishing to be a wanderer. You getting dizzy now? Me too, welcome to my brain.
I'll say the Lord is teaching me to be content with the present because we can't know tomorrow. I'm missing out on really living, and building relationships with real people not the ones in my head. I like those guys a lot but for now I'll see them after 10 p.m. (yes I go to bed that early). So between the hours of 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. I'm here, nice to meet you all.

Poem 1 from the coffee induced mania:
"Life, the ever battle of mumbo jumbo and blues
up, dow, side to side
jumping and dancing and dying
pushing to the max, searching for the end
you will never find it my friend"

2:
"Who are you?
Why I am a traveler of course.
Traveler you say but I've known you for years
dear friend I am a traveler of life and love
 of joy, pain, sadness, excitement and passion
Passion I hope you know
burnng like a paper to a flame
fading fastly and beautifully, ashes fall around me
and I twirl in the madness of it's sting"


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