14

Fourteen months,thats how long its been since I've seen myself. Now you are probably thinking she's gone blind or she doesn't own mirrors. Some would assume the latter by my appearance at times but I do own mirrors, Im ahead of the curve okay. And I haven't literally gone blind only blind to my carnal vision. What I'm saying is that I no longer care what men think of me. I didn't go to the dark side of full on hippie-ville but its geting close. You ever notice how Jesus always looks like a hippie rocker? He's so cool. I think he's so cool that I only want to live to serve his purpose. I want to step into the destiny that he has laid out because I am  and have been doing it ALL wrong.

You ever know someone that always has outlandish stories and random things  happening to them? Insert me, smiling as its happening usually. I've learned to laugh instead of be annoyed. For some reason the most magnificently broken people are drawn to me. So I talk to them, and befriend most of them. Given that I myself have been super glued back together a few times I get it. Some of my peices got put back and some well....thats what caulk is for right? 

Back to the point, sorry my ADD is rampant tonight. What I want to say is my whole life I've been trying to be everyone but myself. I was embarrassed of my family, my home, my clothes, everything. I lived in constant fear of judgement and as I got older I learned to defer it fom myself with humor. Man, was I really good at it....... I still am hilarious btw. Somehow through all these 29.5 years in the times that I wasn't even walking with God he was still showing me who I was through others. Pretty awesome right. Thats how much he loves us.

I know so many of us fight with identity and when you get so tired that you finally give in to yourself (get it) you begin to realize how cool you really are. I got so mad one day I thought, dang I wish I would've known how cool I was back then...... haha isn't that about right. The Lord knew I was not ready for that! Took me 29 years to be ready to accept Jesus who definately gets my vote for most popular.

I just want to encourage you all to let God show you how he sees you. It is a love and freedom that is beyond words, but if I had to use one it would be : Supercalafredulistikespalladocoius (SP?)

P.S. I think I finally understand Mary Poppins now. She wasnt' on drugs all these years she just let God show her how cool she was.