Who am I?

January 1
Everyone is saying "new year new me" and I think that's great, having goals is wonderful! However all I could think about was the past year and all the tribulation and anxiety I had felt for 85% of it. I tried to hide it but the only person I hid it from was myself. Up and down and up then down, it drove me to madness. Literally. I looked at a picture of myself from new years eve and I didn't even recognize myself. I only saw a girl who looked completely lost yet again. How had I gotten back to this place? Only this time I know the Lord and he has equipped me with discernment. I'm just not quite that good with it yet but I am ever grateful. I gave my life to the Lord only a short time ago and he completely rocked my world. I was on such a high walking so close to him. I feel blessed that he would love ME enough to talk to me the way he does. I was a tourist in Hawaii with God and never wanted to leave but somehow in the midst of thinking that I was really walking with him I strayed. I didn't even realize it until last night For months I have been begging, crying, arguing, yelling, and fighting for direction. I was getting nothing. My own mind hindering growth in its anxiety filled,  overly analytical nature. Not on purpose, I mean I had been living my entire life in this mindset. I had always handled things on my own. For 29 years my own mind has been my biggest enemy. I've been hating myself and that's not an easy thing to say. Point of the story is, I finally had a breakthrough last night while in the shower (God knows its the only place I don't have a pen or a phone to distract me). This grand idea came to me - Get to know who your real self. So I decided I would spend the next days, weeks, months, whatever doing just that. I'd get off the phone and go do things that I enjoy, and try new things. I would spend time alone with myself and actually enjoy it for once. I break down at the thought of getting away from my father after all he has done and shown. I repent and thank him all day for saving me yet again. Today I chose a simple task that I enjoy, I chose to be happy and to embrace my friends with the love I truly bear for them. And that's exactly what they gave me in return. I couldn't ask for more.